By: Jacqueline Palmer, St. Sylvester

According to Webster’s Dictionary, an epiphany is “an illuminating discovery, realization or disclosure”. Last week I experienced several epiphanies. None of them were as epic as the parting of the Red Sea or Saul getting knocked off of his horse. They were, however, illumination realizations. And, as disparate as they were, they all led back to a central theme: Life is always movement, always change, always unforeseen circumstances. So stop waiting for life to become calm and start working with what you’ve got to make it as satisfying as you can. With that in mind, I set out on an interesting journey.

I was given the task of bringing people together from surrounding parishes to discuss ways to serve the community. The hope was that we could share what we each do, evaluate where there was overlap, and then be able to combine efforts and energy to be more effective in providing service. Suffice to say, the meeting didn’t happen. I was frustrated. Nobody wanted to listen or share. Then it hit me… We all feel that what we do is being done so well, why do we need to go to another meeting or try to fix what isn’t broken? This was the first epiphany: We are resistant to change.

With my limited contact with other parishes, I began to see similarities that we all share. In the last several years we have had to look at how our church communities have changed. Those who built our parishes have either gone on to their reward for having served so faithfully or they are serving just as avidly but would like to turn the reins over to another generation. They’ve done more than their share and would like to reap the benefits of their efforts. We’re not seeing as many young families moving into the neighborhoods or into our churches. The new generation is going elsewhere to live and worship. The parish rolls dwindle. Fewer people translates into less in the coffers and not enough souls to do the necessary work of living the Gospel message. It is painful to watch and yet we are at a loss as to what we can do. Epiphany number two: We feel helpless.

We’ve heard bits of information regarding mergers and clustering of parishes. It’s all foreign and scary. None of us wants to give up or give in because for many of us our parish church defines us. We don’t want to be absorbed into another family. We don’t want to move into a new home. We want things to remain the way they are. The reality is that ultimately things will change. WE have to change. As I pondered this dilemma, I thought of the days of arranged marriages. If you think about it, parish mergers are not all that dissimilar. Families came together socially to look at each other… not to see if their sons and daughters were a match made in Heaven… but to determine the benefits the families would receive in coming together. One family has plenty of livestock and the other family has fertile and productive fields. Of course they should marry!

I guess what I’m trying to say is that fearing change and feeling helpless is not going to benefit any of us. We need to take steps to ensure that our arranged marriages are mutually acceptable to all involved. As simplistic as this seems, I think we need to spend less time in backroom meetings and more time bringing our parish families together socially. We need an atmosphere that is accepting and non-threatening... times to share faith, food and fellowship. We need to see each other as individuals who share common values and common goals. We need to know that we are not enemies, but friends who need time to get better acquainted before a marriage can happen. And a marriage WILL happen.

I’m just one member of my parish family, but I think we would all benefit from getting to know who our neighbors are as individuals. We can see and accept each other’s strengths as well as be more willing to accept the opportunity to grow knowing that together we could make a stronger, larger family. The members of the families need to feel vested in the outcome of a marriage or merger. This needs to happen before we start dividing up the furniture and deciding which house we live in. If we ignore the importance of the coming together of the separate household, we run the risk of those involved feeling as if they have no part in their future. We become modern-day Hatfields and McCoys… never to make peace with each other.

The task we face as a church is to bring us together so that we can share our wealth and talents and rejoice together in all that allows us to do to build the Kingdom. We NEED each other, and we had better get to know each other before any engagements are announced.